You Answer It Yourself, Please.

He was, once, a spark in her life.

Dazzling smile and innocent eyes - it fucking hurt my eyes. And so, she smiled back. As innocent and as sweet as she could be.

But of course, it was lie.

Everything was a bloody lie.

And of course, her love for him was the biggest lie ever.

"Go out with me."

Sheepishly smiling - wait, this is what people do when being confessed, aren't they? - she nodded. Then, everything went downhill and roller coaster-ing aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...

... done as fast as it started.

She ended it. Of course. He moved on. Good then. She stayed the same? Yes.

She - who'd never able to love anyone simply because she found it too much to love a human.

Did she moved on?

Oh, Lord. She never went anyway in a first place. She stayed the same because there're never any major changes in her life (no, had a relationship wasn't that important to her) except having a sudden responsibilities of other people's live.

Did she regret it?

Not, really.

Because either way the end was inevitable. Because what was the meaning of regret when there's nothing to regret for. Love hurt. Everybody hurt.

But, feel hurt was for someone who actually had a heart.

And, thus, did she regret it?

Insecurities

Zen & Aka (c) Pratiwi Fitriani

.

.

.

Satu, dua, tiga, empat, lima, enam, tujuh, delapan, sembilan, sepuluh...

Zen menghela napas, berusaha memancing refleks apalah-itu-namanya untuk menenangkan jantungnya yang sedang berdetak luar biasa cepat. Hiperbola, karena kalau memang jantungnya berdetak secepat yang ia pikirkan, saat ini Zen pasti sedang terbaring tidak sadarkan diri di Ruang Resusitasi.

Menyedihkan.

"Zen?"

Suara yang familiar di telinga membuatnya kembali ke dunia nyata. Ia memandang sepasang mata biru yang bingung. Segera saja makhluk-makhluk imajiner di dalam kepalanya memasang kaset berjudul 'senyum manis', membuat Zen menarik bibirnya.

"Ya? Ada apa, Le?"

Leon mengerutkan dahinya. "Melamun?"

Zen menggaruk lehernya yang tidak gatal. Klise. "Ah, ya. Sepertinya aku perlu minum kopi lagi. Kemarin pasiennya banyak banget, aku duduk lima menit aja udah bersyukur luar biasa."

Leon mengangguk, meski ada kilat di matanya yang meragukan pernyataan Zen. "Mau kubeliin? Sekalian aku ke kantor dulu ngambil berkas kasus pembunuhan yang kemarin. Macchiato 'kan?"

"Ngga usah, Le. Nanti aku beli kopi biasa aja di Minimart."

"Ya udah, nanti aku jemput ya. Temenin aku nyari kemeja?"

Ah, Leon. Kalau tidak ingat ada di mana mereka sekarang, Zen pasti sudah menerjang Leon dan ndusel-ndusel di pelukan detektif muda itu.

"Leon. Ayo."

... kalau saja nenek sihir sialan ini tidak ada.

"Oke. Aku ke kantor sekalian nganter Aka ya, Zen. See you."

Zen memasang lagi senyum manis paling palsunya. "Yeah. See you."